I HAVE MOVED

This is just a reminder to let you all know I am now permanently blogging on An Ungirly Girl Creation..  So please go there.

Add ‘An Ungirly Girl Creation‘ to your Blogger Reader list. Simply go to BLOGGER and if you have an account, just click on ‘reader list’ and ‘add’.  Thanks!!

I am not going to post HERE anymroe.. Thanks!!!!!!

THE UNGIRLY GIRL HAS MOVED!

Hi everyone! It has been a while again since I’ve posted here. I’ve been busy but I have been blogging over at my other blog ‘An Ungirly Girl Creation‘. Please visit my other blog and add it to your readers list. Thank You!

Day 2

- The meaning behind your blog name..

That’s an easy one! I have never been too girly, in fact, I’ve never been any tiny little bit of girly at all! I hate girly stuff.. As a kid I used to look upon Barbie as a whore. She was. And is.  I was a TomBoy, I climbed trees, I played with potato knifes, I played ‘Cops ‘n Robbers’ with the boys in the pub’s men’s room with plastic revolvers which had smoke coming out at the front. I tied up my sister’s doll on a chair, tortured her then killed her off… I played on the street, I played on garbage heaps like some homeless Brazilian rat. I built camps with scraps, I hid behind bushes after pranking old people. I played with marbles and refused to wear skirts or dresses. I was and am extremely ungirly. Still, physically I’m a girl, but emotionally and mentally I’m a boy. And here we have the Ungirly Girl… Not a very exciting story, but it’s MY story..

 

64-day Challenge

I was strolling around the internet visiting blogs and came across one that was doing a 30-day challenge, meaning to make a blog post every day for thirty days. Blogging daily can sometimes be a task as we bloggers don’t always have the inspiration or are just plain too tired to jot anything down. So, when I have something interesting to share and say I will still make the normal blog posts, but on the days that I don’t have anything to tell I will do the next question.  This thirty day challenge is a combination of two sets actually so there are 64 questions altogether. Let’s start!

Day 1 — Introduce yourself with a recent picture and 15 interesting facts

This picture I have taking only a few minutes ago for the sole purpose of this challenge!

15 facts about myself:

1. I only use Apple products. They simply are the best! I have a MacBook Air, an iPhone4S and an iPad.

2. As a kid I had a crush on Michael Jackson.

3. I love traveling to learn about cultures. I like it when it’s authentic and nothing has been changed to western style to please the traveller. For instance, if I travel to India and visit a local family’s house, I would love to eat what they are eating and don’t like it when they go out of their way to please their guest by making a western meal. I do not travel thousands of miles to have western food. I know they mean well but I travel to learn culture so leave things as they are

4. I stand up for gay rights.

5. I love Modern Family, Futurama, The Simpsons, House, Stargate

6. I am a big fan of LGBT-movies

7. I wrote a gay-themed book called TASH

8. I hate hair that’s not attached to anything

9. I love corn dogs

10. My favorite chips/crisps flavor is pickles, only sold in Belgium.

11. My favorite flavor of chocolate is dark.

12. I’m a cat person!

13. I paint

14. I have an eye with only 9% vision

15. I’m a tomboy.

Sweet Sweet Karma

Every time someone screwed me over, someone else would say “Don’t worry, they will get what’s theirs.. karma.”

‘Karma is affiliated with the Neopagan law of return or Threefold Law, the idea that the beneficial or harmful effects one has on the world will return to oneself. Colloquially this may be summed up as ‘what goes around comes around.’ - Wikipedia

I used to think that Karma really is a load of bullshit. How can it be that when someone’s being an asshole to someone else, at some point in time, he will pay the price for it? It just didn’t seem possible. Yes, past tense, because I’m starting to believe there really IS something like Karma. 

I don’t remember every single time that someone fucked around with me and then ditched me, and I can’t possible know what happens to people after they vanish, but I do remember a few major cases. I used to work for a games company back in the Middle East. They treated me badly, these arabs, like a slave..  I kind of ran away from there. Not long after, their company shut down for some reason. Probably due to lack of slaves..  

There is the case of the street witches. When I lived in Amsterdam, I didn’t get along with a certain woman in my street. I don’t get along with a lot of people, but this one really was something. She was the type that looks down on you for not looking a million dollars. Everything she did was the right way and the best way and she was super mom. She often told me I was a bad mom and didn’t know how to raise my kids. Always bitching about my life and my kids.  She thought she was Princess Rose.  She was more like ‘The Witch That Lives On The Corner’ to me. Her life was perfect and she knew it and flaunted it. Everyone else was beneath her. Then she got herself a third kid, which was born very premature and had lots of problems and had to stay in hospital for three months. Suddenly Princess Rose’s life was no longer perfect. Everyone had to feel sorry for her. Well, I didn’t.

There was another woman living nearby which was actually a very good friend of mine. We had kids of the same age who were in the same class in school. We were very good friends. When the day came they cut off her electricity for not having the money to pay for it, I agreed to help her out and lend her the money.  Yes, there’s money involved. She promised to pay it back in installments, which went well for a few months, then stopped. No matter what I did or said, I didn’t manage to get the money back. Then she decided to lie about it and claim she paid the installment while she hadn’t. She had no proof she paid but she insisted I just forgot to give it to her. Her word against mine. But she’s a friend and you start doubting yourself. But you get very annoyed when she tells you she’s flat broke and can’t pay this month (or the next one, or the one after that), but then you see her go to family resorts in Holland twice a year, go to the Turkish Riviera for the summer and skiing in France in the winter and you just feel majorly screwed over. When confronted she claimed she paid for the holiday using solely air miles vouchers and discount coupons. I knew she was lying to me, but how could I prove it. She started avoiding me, ignore me etc. Needless to say, our friendship ended. Someone told me Karma would get her what she deserved, but I couldn’t see HOW that would be possible.. Until a year later, when I saw her in the supermarket talking to someone else. I eavesdropped of course and learnt her son, age 14, turned out to have cancer and had to have his leg amputated.  I was shocked. I really hated her, but this no one deserves. Still, I couldn’t help but thinking if this might have been Karma? Her son used to be that kid in the street that vandalized people’s property, a little terror… 

Last year we funded an independent film maker (He who’s name I shall not mention or karma will get ME too) to make a gay themed movie. At a certain point, he decided to ditch the movie and move to another state while ignoring every person who ever sponsored him in his film career, taking the donation money with him. Well, word got around, bad news spread and his reputation went bad. His job in this new state didn’t work out and he moved back to Los Angeles, where he now works at a yoghurt bar and his film career is basically OVER.

Crime does NOT pay, dishonesty does NOT pay, it will all backfire. Karma DOES exist and it will get you sooner or later; if not in this life, then in another life. So be good, do good, be nice to everyone, help where you can, because just like bad stuff comes back to you, so does good stuff.  

Peace.

KARMA

And So It Begins

And so 2012 begins..  with a nasty sort of hangover. You probably imagine me now partying all night, drinking, laughing, joking, sexing, whatever, coming home in the early wee hours and crashing on the sofa totally wasted. I wish it was true. I wish I could confirm this, but alas, that is not what happened.

On the last day of 2011 I parked myself on the sofa, in PJ’s, and a fleece blanket and a pillow, surrounded by chocolates, gummy bears, Pringles Paprika, ice cream, cookies and a small bottle of Bacardi Breezer. So there’s your alcohol and sofa. Last night I decided to do a Lord Of The Rings DVD marathon at home, extended edition. I was determined to sit out all three (long) movies in one go, all through the night, and I did! I DID IT! I watched LOTR for 11 hours straight. Mission accomplished! I want to do more of such movie marathons, see how far I get.

Of course, I was awake for an entire Australian day, a full European night and an entire American evening. I finally went to sleep on the sofa at 7 AM. Well, sort of… I was totally tired, but still I couldn’t sleep. The sofa had cracked leather on it, so I had to find another blanket first to sleep on. Then the street lights were shining too close to me, so I got up again to shut the blinds. Almost forgot to blow out the candle. Tried, but for the love of God (who doesn’t exist) the stupid flame wouldn’t die. It made me laugh, and the more I laughed the less I was able to blow. Blowing and laughing does not go together. Everyone remember this and take notes. Son blew it out eventually.

I think I was asleep by 7:30 AM, only to wake up, all on my own… at 10 AM Why is it that I never sleep? I had been awake for 24 hours and still I can’t manage to sleep it off. what’s the secret to sleep? Anyone? I give up, I’ll never sleep again. I felt like such a zombie this morning. Totally hungover but without all the fun that would have caused it. Unfair! That’s what you get when you have zero friends and your family lives in another country. Correction, I do have friends, but again, in another country. Not helping.

Spent the first day of 2012 totally on the sofa, so lame. I feel like a zombie, headache, generally not feeling well. It will pass. Hopefully.  Wish I could take a hot bath, or hot shower, but the water boiler isn’t working. Hasn’t been for two weeks, or longer even. Plumber guys keep doing stuff to it, tell me it will work in half an hour, leave and the water just doesn’t heat up. Will have to call again on Tuesday… No one knows what a luxury it is to have hot water. You only know that when you don’t have it. Oh and a big thanks to those who didn’t think of wishing me a Happy New Year last night or today. The most important ones in my life did, and I can count them on one hand.

An Ungirly Girl Creation

I have had this blog for some months now, and to be honest, not very fond of WordPress as it doesn’t let you do a lot with fonts and colors. I like to play with those things and WordPress is limited. I have therefor also created a second blog, which is basically the same as this one, but maybe for Blogger lovers it’s easier to read my blog over there. It’s called An Ungirly Girl Creation. I will still keep writing here, don’t worry. You can just choose if you want to read my rantings and sorrows here or on Blogger. Please add me to your Blogger reader list. If you want to exchange links with me, please do so! Again: Happy New Year and see you in 2012.

The End Is Near

The end of 2011 is today, the end of the world is less than a year away. Just kidding I don’t believe in the world ending, and if it does, so be it. It’s fucked up as it is anyways. A lot of crap happened in the past year, not just on a global level, but for me personally as well. Let’s take a look and see what happened. A glance at the past 12 months.

New Year 2011 I looked back on 2010 and what I saw I didn’t like. At all. Everything had been plain boring, except for a load of shit that happened and I didn’t ask for, so for 2011 I wanted things to change. I wanted my life to change, add something to it, do things, see things, make it way more interesting. I would like to look back on my life one day and feel that I lived.

In the beginning of the year I finished my first book TASH. I entered it in the Brit Writers Awards and set out to find a publisher. However, no matter what I tried, I had no luck in finding one. Letter after letter arrived, rejecting my book. Sometimes there was no reason mentioned, but mostly it stated there was no market for this kind of book. What they actually mean is that there’s no $$ to be made with this book since it’s an LGBT book and they are not willing to risk losing money over it. Gay book stores are closing down and in libraries you can find just one shelve with LGBT books of which half of it is about self counseling. If there’s no market, why not MAKE a market. I would like to have my own LGBT book store one day. That would be awesome! I would sell every gay book that was ever written, good or bad. In the end I published TASH on Amazon’s Kindle. It is for sale in the USA, UK, France, Italy, Spain and Germany.

During spring time I got to know some great people on Facebook. I never knew such people even existed. Such a shame they all live in the US of A. I think I should name my computer Los Angeles because they all live in my laptop. I did have the chance of meeting them over there in August, although one hour with them wasn’t really enough But hey, I got to see them. My holiday in LA didn’t turn out as I planned. While I was there, my bank blocked my credit card on suspicion of fraud. I have to say a big thanks (he won’t read this) to the manager of the Apple Store at The Grove in LA for letting me use his phone to call London and sort it out. Living in LA without money sux.

2011 also promised me a chance to be on a real movie set, having a walk-on role and being the Executive Producer of that movie. That was why I was going to LA in the first place, to shoot the movie in San Diego and meet up with these guys in the process. However, when push came to shove, the director turned out not to be reliable. I invested in that movie and what happened was, he moved to Seattle, lost the money meant for shooting the film, never to be heard of again. But he didn’t count on yours truly who stuck her teeth in it like a pitbull with rabies. I hunted the rodent down, found him, shook him upside down which lead to an official statement from him that he is an utter failure and stupid idiot, announcing to pay everyone back. THAT I have yet to see though. He moved his lying ass back to Hollywood. Good, even easier for me to get his butt kicked.

 After coming back from LA things were not all that great. I got very disappointed in my own family. I learnt that blood is thicker than water, but money is thicker than blood. When you get so depressed you go into suicide mode, when you walk along the river bank in the pouring rain in the dark night and all you want to do is drown yourself and in a last attempt for hope you reach out and call your mom and cry your guts out and then be told you have to solve your own problems, emphasizing that you shouldn’t show up at her house ever again, you just feel the ground disappear from under your feet. That black rippling water of the Thames looks very inviting. Instead of making me feel better, my mom just drove me further towards death. I just didn’t see it anymore. I felt totally and utterly alone, deserted by all, rejected by the world. Why am I still here? How come I didn’t jump in the water and end it all? Because there was one friend left who made the time to talk to me, who cared enough not to let me go just like that. That, and the fact I just didn’t have the goddamn guts to do it. I should have though. In the months after that nightly failed suicide mission I often thought of it and wished I had done it. I don’t know. I am ok now, but I still go back into suicide mode now and again. What I do, is I cry when no one sees me, I cry when no one is around because I don’t want to have to answer questions. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that never ends. I’m mentally not stable, but who is? Can any one of you honestly say they are 100% stable? I know that all my facebook friends are mentally suffering in one way or the other, but that’s ok.

I know there is a lot of gossip going around about me. I can say I don’t care, and I really don’t, go ahead, talk, yap, laugh and be a general jerk. I never judge people, no one made himself and we are all born the way we were born and if you can’t accept me like that, then you don’t deserve me. Talking behind my back is stupid. Say it in my face, for I get to hear about it anyways and it just takes away all respect I ever had for you. Be a man, grow some balls, even if you’re a girl, stand up and tell me in my face what it is you don’t like about me. Then I can in all honesty tell you to fuck off because I’m not going to change myself just to please you. I have lived for others all my life. Now I want to live for myself. I tried to make people happy in the past, I tried to please everyone, but ultimately, first make yourself happy. If you screw me over, if you think you should tell me how wrong I’ve been living my life, if you think you are in the position to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do, then I will leave you. Take me as I am, and let me be. I’m the best friend you ever had, if you just let me be and do the things I want to do, and be who I want to be. So if you find yourself removed from my life, it’s time to look in the mirror, look into your own eyes and ask yourself: ‘what have I done?’

Ending 2011, I have to stop looking back. I have to stop living in the past. I know it’s hard and I know I’ll probably, likely, definitely fail, but I can try. I can try and forget the past (not going to happen). Let’s move forward. Let’s try at least to be more positive for 2012.  I’m done making resolutions, I never stick to them and whatever hopes I had for 2011, in the end went all down the drain again. So I don’t have any for 2012. I’m just going to see what happens. If things present themselves to me, I’ll grab them, but won’t go looking for them either.  It’s life. C’est la vie.

Happy New Year to all the blog-readers, I don’t wish you the usual love, health, happiness and such. I wish you all lots of money in 2012, lots of sex, lots of booze and parties and the courage to do what YOU want. Fuck everyone else

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

A Taste of TASH

A few months ago I published my first gay-themed book TASH on Amazon’s Kindle. Thank you to those who have purchased my book! For those who haven’t yet, you can have a taste of TASH on another blog. Every day I will be posting a few pages from my book which you can read for free. All feedback and reviews are welcome. I would be really happy to receive stars on Amazon for New Year..

Thanks and I hope you will enjoy TASH!

Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas to everyone, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing. It would be really interesting to know how Christmas is celebrated around the world. How do Americans celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? How do people in Africa celebrate it? I’m sure they DO celebrate it in some way.. How about Australia? Is it different there? You can say, it’s the same, we’re all Christians, but it’s not.  In Belgium, where I’m from, we actually celebrate Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. It’s on Christmas eve that family gets together, usually in the parents house, to have a feast, kids get to open their X-mas presents and depending on how the evening progresses, everyone just boozes up and stuffs themselves with cake and ice cream.

There is no Santa. I’m very sorry for the little kids, but in belgium, there is no Santa. He doesn’t fly over with his sleigh, slides down the chimney and leaves you presents. It doesn’t work that way. Parents just buy kids their gifts, every kid knows that, and they open them on the 24th. Adults buy gifts for each other while teenagers go out to party all night.

Christmas Day, 25th is for staying in bed to recover from the hangover from the night before. Kids are kept up late on X-mas eve so they would sleep in on the 25th and leave you the hell alone. Christmas Day, Belgium is a deserted place. No one does anything on X-Mas Day.

Boxing Day doesn’t exist in Belgium. Dec. 26th is a normal day like any other day and unless you have take up vacation days, everyone goes back to work on this day.

So, being a Belgian, how did I spent my X-Mas Eve? I live in London, my family lives in Belgium, so there’s no big family dinner here. We went out to dinner last night (husband, kids and myself), went back home where I started a 19 hr-long Harry Potter Marathon. First to go was my husband, he went to bed before it even started. Second to jump ship was my son, who never sleeps except last night he went to his bedroom with his laptop. Third in line to bail was my youngest daughter who thought her book ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ was more interesting than Hogwards School Of Witchcraft and a bunch of subordinate teenagers.

So then there was just the two of us, my other daughter and myself. We got comfi on the sofa, blankets, all lights out except those in the X-mas tree. We were very determined to do the entire long haul, beginning to end. But alas, she caved and fell asleep halfway ‘The Chamber Of Secrets’ at 04:15 AM..  Now it was just me. Doing a Harry Potter marathon just by yourself just isn’t much fun, so I switched it off. Besides, I told myself the DVD-player needed a break after having played for over six hours. Never mind, we’ll be doing the HP Marathon Part II tonight… This time I’m hoping to finish the entire collection of HP films so help me God (if there was one).

Today, I’m not feeling too well though. I didn’t fall asleep until 5 AM, then woke up again at 8 AM with what looks like a case of food poisoning. Never mind, I’ll live! Taking it easy today. I’m not leaving my sofa if the world ends. Of course, if the world ends there’s no reason to get off the sofa anyways.

Have yourselves a very merry X-mas, do what you want to do as long as you enjoy yourselves.  Happy X-Mas Sunday!